#RealTalk: 'Coming Out'

News

08/05/2017

‘Coming out’ means different things to different people…

Whether it’s making a public announcement to all of your friends on social media, or telling your closest family and friends about your sexual identity, or even deciding to live your life the way you want to and not declaring your sexuality, everyone has their own way of embracing their sexual identity.

Reggie’s journey on #MTVShugaDS has been tough. Wrestling with his identity has left our main guy down and confused.
Yet, everything changed in episode 8. Here, we see Reggie being true to himself and ‘coming out’ to his nearest and dearest, Bongi and Q. It takes a whole lot of courage to show people your true colours. Regardless of what it is, letting people into your personal space can be a scary process.

Once again, Muzi Mthembu, who plays Diliza in MTV Shuga: Down South, and Phumlani Kango, an MTV Shuga contributor, have opened up about their personal experiences with ‘coming out’. We all experience things in our own unique way; the same is true for ‘coming out’…

MTV Shuga: What made you decide to come out?

Muzi:
I only consider myself officially out the closet once I had told my mother. What made me come out to her eventually was because I had just finished my degree at university and the courses I took, as well as the strong network of LGBTQ allies that I had at the time, made me feel a lot more confident about who I am and what being gay actually meant in the world. Also, being on the threshold of graduation, I had to make decisions about how I wanted to live my life and so being without my mother’s support didn’t scare me as much. I came out because intuitively I felt ready.

Phumlani:
The main reason I decided to come out was because I was tired of living a double life and just wanted to be myself, TRULY. Another reason was because I could not bare facing my loved ones, knowing that they had this expectation of me providing them with an heir in the family one day.

MTV Shuga: Have you always been aware of your sexual orientation?

Muzi:
It’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly when I knew I was gay because my concept of sexuality more broadly was so underdeveloped. But I would say puberty was the realization that whoever or whatever I am, I am most certainly not heterosexual. I would say from that time onwards I began to consciously engage with my sexuality.

Phumlani:
I have always been aware that I was ‘different” from a young age because the majority of my friends were women & I used to dress up in women’s clothing and model for my Mom, especially after Miss SA. To me this was normal behaviour, but as I grew older I was made aware of the fact that I was acting differently from other boys my age. When I reached high school, it was a big transition for me as I had been at a co-ed primary school and now found myself in an all boys’ high school, where I had to hide my femininity due to the fear of being bullied. My first experience with another boy was also in high school but it made me super confused as I also had a girlfriend at the same time. I stayed in the ‘closet’ through my high school career because of the fear of being tormented on a daily basis, which is what happened to so many other openly queer pupils.

MTV Shuga: Who did you decide to come out to first? How did you feel when you came out?

Muzi:
The first person I came out to was my younger sister who was, and still is, my best friend. It was the first time that I had ever said it aloud, and even though I felt safe with her, the declaration itself heralded my first real wrestle with my identity. I’m glad that she provided a safe space for me to continually grapple with those issues, because it’s a conversation that doesn’t happen just once…not even to oneself.

Phumlani:
I never truly ‘came out’ to anyone besides my family because I felt that I did not owe anyone an explanation. Once I was comfortable and secure in myself I started living freely and openly, even on social media platforms where I was bombarded with questions that I answered with confidence THAT I WAS GAY.

I told my Mom first who was fine with it, and also I low-key feel she had been suspecting the entire time because as the saying goes: “a mother always knows”. My siblings followed after; some took it hard and it affected our relationship but are now understanding. Some were very supportive and still are.

MTV Shuga: What were people’s responses when you came out?

Muzi:
I think “duh” was most people’s response when I finally came out lol. People, even with good intentions, feel like queerness is obvious, and that they know, but they really don’t, because the terrain of sexuality is so murky and above all else, private. It’s a lot more than sexual attraction. Sexuality is about where you fit in the world. And the answer to that is never obvious to those who are on the outside of one’s lived experience.

Phumlani:
People’s responses were positive but some were also negative. Majority of the guys I went to high school with told me they had always known and had been waiting for me to come out. I never really dwelled on those negative responses because I told myself, those who matter have accepted me for who I am, so it’s your loss if you don’t.

MTV Shuga: How has being open about your sexuality impacted your life?

Muzi:
For me, coming out has been the most liberating experience of my life. It makes me feel unstoppable in my career. Now, I fear nothing. Coming out was the beginning of self-mastery for me.

Phumlani:
Coming out has been so liberating for me, in the sense that I am more confident in myself now than I was before I came out. Being open about my sexuality has not impacted my life negatively; more than anything it has taught me a lot about my life and who I am. Obviously, there are homophobic people you have to deal with when being openly gay, but I never let those individuals get me down.

MTV Shuga: What advice would you offer someone who is thinking about coming out?

Muzi:
The important thing to realize for those interested in coming out is that you really don’t have to; if your safety and wellbeing is at risk then it is perfectly ok to prioritize that over your sexual expression.

It is also ok to value your privacy because the truth is: it is nobody’s business. It is important to have ownership over your sexuality, and that means only coming out when you are ready. And when that time comes, make sure that you tell the person you are coming out to that the reason you are doing this is to provide them the opportunity of having a closer and more honest relationship with you.

Make sure that you are alone with them at a time when interruptions are unlikely, that way you can feel safe and they have the space to have their own reaction. You must be be prepared to offer them the same grace that you are expecting from them as they process this information. Coming out is a continuing conversation so know that you may be brought back to this topic throughout your relationship with this person. Godspeed..!

Phumlani:
Do it at your own pace & when you’re ready, but also remember you do not owe anyone an explanation on your sexuality. At the end of the day, you look at yourself in the mirror and have to be happy with the person that you see.

If you want to share your story with the MTV Shuga Team, write to us at info@mtvshuga.com. All information is confidential. To keep up with our latest discussions, check out our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages and get invovled!

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I'm a victim of the LIQULDOHN cryptocurrency investment scam, I was asked to deposit £700 which I did and it tripled to £2200 within 1 hour. That got my interest, The next deposit was £3,500 and my profit shot up to £18,200. I was amazed at how little money can make you crazy profits. I invested more and more. When I tried to cash out, I was asked to pay taxes and other complicated fees. My profits had accumulated to £531,000 as it would show on the trading website but I could not access it. By the time it got to me that the company is illegitimate, l had already lost a total of £190,000. I decided to do proper research about the company to ease my fears that I might have been conned and that's when I found out that they have been stealing from harmless Americans and individuals around the globe. While reading more about the company in pain, I stumbled upon a United States veteran article on how this same fake crypto investment website took his money but was able to recover it back from them with the help of an Ethical hacker. I inquired more about this Ethical hacker and that's when I was introduced to CYBER GENIE HACK-PRO. I am writing this positive review to affirm that, Recovering stolen Bitcoin from scammers is real and can be achieved when done by the right expert. If by any means you are a victim of a Crypto Investment scam and wish to get your funds and profits back, I highly recommend (Cybergenie(@)Cyberservices(.)Com) OR (Whatsapp (+1252) 5120391), you know why, I am living testimony of their greatness.

donelsonlouisa

" BEST BITCOIN RECOVERY EXPERT "
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(+1 (252) 512-0391)
Losing $287,000 worth of Bitcoin to crypto broker scammers was devastating, but with the help of a supportive husband and family, we were able to do all the research on the internet on how to get lost Bitcoin recovered. Cyber Genie's ethical hacking expertise turned the tide and restored the loving wife and mother I was to my children. Cyber Genie's team provided guidance and support during the process while we were recovering my funds ensuring I felt informed and empowered whereas learning how to invest rightly with the right crypto brokers on the internet. Cyber Genie's commitment to helping its clients is remarkable. I am forever grateful for his assistance in reclaiming my lost funds. I wholeheartedly recommend their services to anyone facing a similar situation related to Cyber fraud, the result you will get is encouraging.

cynthiagary728

I just can't keep this great news to myself, that will be wicked of me. I was scammed of my Bitcoin in January by an online crypto worth around $290,000.00 USD. I wept every night because I had attracted a lot of debt, The only thing that always came to that moment was to end my life but I am a single parent with a child of 9 years. Heaven smiled at me the day I was introduced to a Bitcoin Recovery Specialist called, Cyber Genie Hack Pro. He recovered all the Bitcoin that I was scammed of from the fraudulent crypto vendor without leaving a dime with the scammers. I am very excited and happy I got it recovered, It wasn't an easy process, but with commitment, I saw it to the end. Here are my two cents to any victim of Crypto-Currency investment and Pig Butchering fraud, consult " Cyber Genie Hack Pro on their official email "Cybergenie(@) Cyberservices. Com" "WhatsApp + 1,252,5,1203,91,

PS...: Please you all should stay safe out there, The internet is full of crooks that's why I endorse Cyber Genie as the best crypto recovery specialist to recover all stolen digital assets.

anastaciajoaquin19

I was once lured into a crypto currency investment platform that I came across on Instagram. I lost about $508,000 to this evil scheme after I invested and accumulated profits, I was denied withdrawals on the specified date. I wrote to the customer support but I was given no feedback, I knew I had been scammed and I started to search for a way to recover my crypto.. I considered myself fortunate that I stumbled upon a post on the internet web about a Recovery Expert Jeanson James Ancheta wizard. I would highly recommend Jeanson James Ancheta wizard agent to anyone who wants to recover their lost funds from any scam. He is the best in the business and will do anything possible to help you get your money back. I never thought it would be possible to get back crypto once it is sent but I'm super happy and grateful for the services of Jeanson James Ancheta wizard. Kindly reach out to him if you need any help.(jeansonjamesanchetawizard62@gmail.com) or WhatsApp number: +4531898073 or Telegram number: +4571398534.

cindybyrd547

How to make your husband leave the other woman - How to get your husband back from his mistress.
Do you think your husband is cheating and you want to get him to leave the other woman and fall in love with you again? Do you want to know what you can do to fix your relationship? I'll share with you the best method to win your husband back! My husband left me for another woman few months ago and I was very devastated cause I never did anything wrong to him, I was left with my two kids and a job that pays little. I was almost giving up until I saw a testimony online about Dr.Excellent and I decided to contact him. I explained my problem to him and he assured me I'll see a positive result after 11hurs, surprisingly my husband came back the day after the spell begging me to forgive him and promised to never leave. My husband has been back for 2 months now and we've never had any issues, am glad I didn't doubt Dr.Excellent cause he sure can solve any problems with fast relief you can also contact him for help now. Here his contact. WhatsApp him at: +2348084273514 "Or email him at: Excellentspellcaster@gmail.com

gary148

HOW TO RESTORE LOST OR STOLEN CREDIT CARDS / BTC/ ETH/USDT

Hello my name is Gary Fischer.
About two week ago, I noticed an opportunity to invest in cryptocurrencies and jumped at it. I contacted a broker after seeing videos on YouTube and deposited a large sum of money in Bitcoins and Ethereum in the hopes of making a large profit while waiting, and after a few weeks, I discovered on their website that I had quadrupled my money. I attempted a withdrawal because I needed money to pay my bills, but the broker insisted that I continue to invest or pay a fee to withdraw my cash; at that point, I realized I was being catfished. A month later, I read a post about SPIDERCLOUD SECURITY, a funds recovery organization, and I instantly called them, to my greatest surprise, SPIDERCLOUD SECURITY was able to recover my money after I gave them all the details of the scam. I want to thank them for their assistance and urge anyone who has been a victim of these Bitcoin frauds to use their service via the details below

Contact Info:
Email; Spidercloud@programmer.net
WhatsApp: +1 319 595 8692

baruchelmirabel

The internet used to be a safe haven to gather new knowledge in the comfort of your space until these scammers sprouted out of the blue like worms and made it unsafe. I am a country music lover, and Kenny Rogers is my idol. I can remember when a notification from Instagram popped on my screen, Guess who, my idol. I was awed and I can remember myself writing about all his impact in my life. I was so sure I was talking to my idol on Instagram. He did say he wanted to introduce me to this quick money-making scheme because he noticed I have been a loyal fan on his official IG page. My idol can never go wrong in my eyes and didn't even do any research. I hurriedly joined the scheme. I never knew it was a scammer posing as a celebrity till I had invested $540.000.00. It got worse when I couldn't access my account or withdraw from my investment, I knew there was a problem after all these happenings. I need to get help from any means to ensure I am not a victim of these parasites. I was glad to be able to be introduced to the best CRYPTOCURRENCY RECOVER EXPERT, Cyber-Genie Genie Hack Pro. I talked to their representative and they assured me of recovering my stolen investment. And as they promised, they didn't disappoint as they were very confident in their expertise. My stolen investment was successfully recovered and they were the ones who confirmed to me that I was catfished.
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aden76

A trustworthy hacking team, such as Onis Digital service, is essential. To assist anyone who might require this kind of assistance, I was just considering sharing my opinions on this site. In simple terms, Onis Digital saved my life, and for that, I am grateful. My go-to hacking organization, Onis Digital, is what I propose because they have amply demonstrated their skills. I have used Onis Digital on numerous occasions, and because of how helpful they have been and how reasonably priced & dependable they are, I am making this remark publicly available for everyone to read. Enjoy a successful Onis Digital experience by writing to them +14377831157

cliff molly

HOW TO FIND LOST BTC or ETH, and RESTORE IT.

Wizard LARRY HACKER , A private investigator, and expert in money retrieval are all terms used to describe Larry Hacker. Achieve success in situations involving ethical hacking, cryptocurrency recovery, fraudulent investment schemes, and other related issues. He is a credit restoration specialist and studies factors that affect your credit score. Wizard All the software needed to finish Recoveries from beginning to end may be found in Larry Hacker.
Contact The Larry team at the email listed below as soon as possible to get started.Email: wizardlarry@mail. com.
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elizabeth6hydes

Cyber Genie Hack Pro, has the best legal cryptocurrency investigators and ethical hackers on the internet. The team is excellent at conducting extensive investigations into anything related to cyber fraud and data recovery. They are well-advanced and their expertise in recovering stolen Bitcoin is what amazes me. I came to find out about them through multiple referrals I have read on the internet, and when they handled my task, I was wowed at how fast they got my stolen Bitcoin repossessed from a guy whom I turned down his advances just for him to go hack my devices and steal my funds and other private data. I will keep telling the world about Cyber Genie. Reach their customer service via:
( Cybergenie(@)cyberservices. com )
(WhatsAPP +1 (252) 512-0391)

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08/05/2017

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