Sex is still a taboo topic in many homes, but Adebola Aduwo explains the benefits of having “The Talk”.
I remember the day I had my first period. I ran to my parents’ room to show them that I had unlocked a whole new level of greatness. Please, don’t laugh at me. I was ecstatic up until my mother burst that bubble of excitement.
“Tiiti, you’re becoming a woman now o. If a boy touches you, you will just get pregnant. Ehen!”
I went from a hundred to zero real quick! I had the urge to argue so badly and make her understand that that wasn’t what I had been taught at school.
I was only twelve years old and my friends were mostly boys. I didn’t want anyone to get me pregnant. I believe that my mother noticed how confused I was after that conversation. Weeks later, we had a proper talk about “the birds and the bees” and it hasn’t stopped since then.
You know, I’ve heard a lot of people say that they never had honest conversations about sex with their parents. In most black homes, talking about sex is taboo. Which one of you can truly say that you don’t pray the floor opens up and swallows you when a sex scene randomly pops up in the presence of your parents? Normally, this should be a perfect opportunity to have that discussion. It just leaves me wondering about my parents, “How am I here if you guys did not have this sex you pretend to hate so much?”
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An average black girl would rather die than narrate a sexual encounter to her mother because she may still end up dead anyway (Wouldn’t you rather die peacefully?) Jokes aside, this type of tabooism is exactly why victims of sexual abuse find it difficult to share their experience with their parents until it’s too late.
Pre-marital sex is already a norm. Yes, it happens! Are we going to keep denying that fact? Would you not rather show them the safest routes and methods? Why are you so silent?
Is it so surprising that some of us would rather stay quiet when our voices should be the loudest, leaving the younger generation to their own devices and exposing them to all shades of wrong information?
It’s a shame that this is a case for so many of us out there.
And do you know what is the hilarious part? When something out of our control eventually happens, we suddenly start spewing all the advice in the world. I almost want to say, “You had this at the tip of your tongues all this time and you didn’t say anything? Where was this energy when it was needed, aunty?”
— MTV Shuga (@MTVShuga) April 17, 2018
We saw this type of misunderstanding in full flow on MTV Shuga Naija episode 6. It was so disappointing to see how Cyril started a war in his own home and discarded Leila’s contraceptives because he thinks having them would make her eager to have endless sex. It’s crazy how we let beliefs such as these get in the way of logic.
On the other side of the coin, there was good ol’ Faa lecturing Tare on boundaries, consent, and contraception earlier this season. This was a great example of how an elder can preach morality and common sense at the same time, as it should be.
We are so comfortable pretending that we don’t need to discuss sexual matters that we’ve begun to demonize the very thing that (literally) makes us human. Like I always say, having the sex talk is more important than sex itself. I would want my kids to learn almost everything about their sexuality and get first-hand information from me before anyone else… and at a young age too. That way, they don’t feel awkward talking to me about anything and would be confident that I would always be there to listen and provide answers to their many questions without judgment.
I would like to say, that the same fiery energy used in encouraging chastity at a tender age should be ignited when it’s time to enlighten young people on the options available to them, especially when they feel the need to go ahead with their own decisions as young adults.
There’s still so much to say and more much to be done.
It’s important to note that this talk shouldn’t be limited to girls. Parents, you should be speaking to your sons as well. Whatever schools can teach should be the icing on an educated cake. Discussing these issues freely in our homes saves us from a lot of ugly situations.
We should all embrace this culture. Talk that talk!